it's late at nite right now. thoughts attacking me and activate my RAS without me controlling. nah...it's not tat bad! but yea...when i'm alone. i tend to think a lot.
anyway, ppl come and go from ur life..sometimes they might have left u for certain reason but their footprint will always stay wif u. no matter how far u guys r apart from each other, deep in ur heart, u know tat u still care for the ppl who used to be around u but haf to be seperated for certain reason. n this is just temporary n u believe..some day, some time u'll meet all the ppl again.
on the other hand, u strongly believe that someone has hurt u badly, n u get disappointed for wad someone has done to u. but u choose to forgive...but u r certain tat the scar will be there all the time, but u still care for the ppl. this is the onli thing that will never change :) morever, u guys are far apart from each other, wad r the negative feeling for? all of them do not matter anymore. no matter how many regrets u have before this, how much u wish to do before the seperation which left undone...they r the facts that u can never change. u telling ppl u r insignificant to certain ppl but deep in urself, u know that u r not. u try ur best to think positive, stay positve...well it helps a lil bit but it's just not enuff to bring u thro the whole journey.
sometimes u just feel like contacting someone n talk to them. u wish u could just pick up the phone n ring someone, but all in ur mind r thinkin whether u'll get hurt again, whether there will be any awkwardness, and suddenly all the negative feeling just appear. u surely know that this feeling is different when u r dealing wif other people but u just have no idea why is this happening. mebe it's bcos of the accumulation of scars after all smses remain not replied, all the hard work u put to remain in touch do not pay off, u just dunno wad to do next. to continue or to stop. it's like a choice for a life time. it'll decide whether u'll keep in touch with ppl or not. and u know...if u dun do it...no1 will! well...in everything, there must be someone who is willing n tryin to work on. but why i'm always the one? :)
i just wan to be myself. but it's just sth tat i couldnt let go....yet! when time passes, things get bz, i believe things wll be better. or...i'm still waiting for that something...something might happen to make things better :P
2 comments:
Wei... so deep meaning o!! Are u fine??
well.. frenship.. it's a mutual interaction.. sometimes there's no point trying too hard actually.. it makes u feel very very tired.. tired of trying... tired of getting hurt.. tired of finding all kind of excuses to console urself... i fully und ur "why am i always the one?" feeling. experienced similar situation before. more than once actually.. =) so my advise is, just let nature takes its course. time helps to heal the scars.. and as time goes by, u'll find courage to move on, to see things positively again, and yeah, to face the truth.. although truth is almost always cruel.. BUT, as u move on, u will learn that MANY ppl actually care for u as much as u care for that person as well... while paying too much attention on rescueing the frenship, u may unintentionally hurt ppl around you without realizing it urself!! so they sink into the same kind of disappointment u went thru.. it's a vicious cycle!! trust me.. sometimes, we just have to learn to let go when thing doesnt work out the way we want it to be.. =)
well.. it takes time.. it took me very long to recover, too. but when u finally manage to see things clear, everything will just seem so beautiful, again... =D
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